Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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