I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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