He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
