How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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