Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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