you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize