ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
