How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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