Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
