Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
