Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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