well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
