Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
