I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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