just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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