Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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