i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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