Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
