and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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