i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
