I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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