I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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