he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
