Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
