I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You made out with two different species that night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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