I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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