No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
