Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
