I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
