Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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