Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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