I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize