I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize