You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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