why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
