I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
