I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
