just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
