Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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