A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
