A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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