I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
