life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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