3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
