I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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