I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
