There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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