Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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