Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
