he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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