Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
