i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
