all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
