my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
