EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
