This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
