maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
