You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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