You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
