Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
